I hear gasps from certain friends whom thought I was always “anti-Apple”…

Just to be clear: I am not “anti-Apple”, and neither am I an Android/Windows/Nokia “fanboi”… I am simply “anti-inefficiency”, “anti-idiot” and am totally against the “control-freak”, “I-know-better-than-you” typical Apple attitude/products… It took ages before Mac die-hard idiots/”fanboi”s learned to control more than one finger on a mouse… It took ages before iPhone die-hard idiots/fanbois found out that alternative input methods/keyboards existed… For what it is worth, iPhone die-hard idiots/”fanboi”s still haven’t discovered single-handed navigation (needing to rely on the “screen shrinking” double-tap) – that needing to reach diagonally across the screen at any size just to tap the “back” button is just retarded with all that unused real-estate around the oh-so-Apple-Pay-secure fingerprint scanner.

If I bought the phone, I own it, so don’t tell me that I can’t save time and download bandwidth and money by blocking ads or preventing personal data leaks by stupid malware/adware/”games” you failed to curate properly on your app store, or tell me I cannot even make my phone more secure (e.g. firewalls).

Obvious to anyone who knows me, I too can rant, justified, against certain Microsoft “stupidities”, as will I against Android or anything IT-related if/when warranted… And do not even get me started on the local telecommunication companies, or even certain local government agencies’ utter incompetence when it comes to working for “the people”.

The Rant

In short, having been forced to use this piece-of-crap for the better part of 9 months, these are the bits that just drive me insane:

• Forget about connecting the phone to the same damned PC/laptop that I use every freaking day and “simply” copying stuff…
  • You need to first click “Allow” for the PC to access the damned phone… every. freaking. time.
  • You need to install the damned humongous adware called iTunes (as if I use any feature of the damned software except for backing up the stupid phone)

• The finger print scanner just does not work reliably (or even anywhere near) most times…
  • No, the Mi 5 Pro’s fingerprint scanner does not seem to be “less secure” (i.e. false positives)
  • Yes, I have tried multiple attempts at storing and re-storing my fingerprints, with slight variations in positions, etc. etc…Compared to the Mi 5 Pro that is half the price (although half a year “younger” too), the fingerprint scanner just sucks on the iPhone 6S…

• Apple gives corporations the rights to enforce password complexity when corporate email (i.e. the Exchange virus) is utilised…
  • Granted, this is not really a bad thing, but it is if the damned fingerprint scanner does not work reliably!

• iMessage is “on” by default…
  • Really? Who the %&!#$!@! gave you the idea I allowed you to spy on/intercept my messages, or even force me to route all messages through your servers “just because”?!

• Apple’s “interface design” is like a virus… Found throughout most software that was “allowed” in the Apple Store
  • Given a split-second glance, try to differentiate between the SMS/texting window/app versus the Whatsapp window/app… Go ahead, I dare you…

• “Delete” Button Doubles as “Cancel” Button
  • So, the iPhone does not have a “back” button (within reach anyway), so some Einstein decides to have the “delete” button at the lock screen double as a “cancel” button when there is “nothing else to delete” at the PIN/password prompt
  • Would anyone, trying to key in a PIN/password and deleting everything to start over, want to go back to the lock screen?!?
  • So, try typing a long PIN/password… then trying to press “delete” multiple times… You had better get the correct number of key presses… Otherwise, the stupid OS will force you to have to swipe right again just to access the PIN/password input screen again…

• Using a handsfree kit without a physical mute button…
  • Try this dance:
    • Run/attend a conference call.
    • Use the “mute” feature of the phone/call interface
    • Lock the phone (or let it lock itself)
    • To unmute, flick the lock screen to the right to show the phone/call interface again
    • Lock the phone (or let it lock itself)
    • Repeat to unmute…
    • But wait, this time the phone now needs your fingerprint or passcode to unlock! But…
    • The fingerprint scanner does not work, so you scramble to enter the stupidly enforced elongated password…
    • Then repeat after me, out loud: “Sorry, I was on mute…”

• Voice Control
  • Press the home button for a while and the unwanted voice control starts… Cue all the stupid bum/bag dials/messaging…
  • Guess how do you turn it off? (Hint: jump through a thousand hoops and make your phone silly “Siri”)

• The hot spot ain’t so hot after all…
  • Apple gives carriers the rights to control if the phone can be tethered… What the !@#!@#!*%!@!!!? I got data cap/allowance, I use the data – you have no right whatsoever to tell me how I can use the data allowance/cap.
  • Switching the hotspot on does not switch it on! (although this happens to me nearly every time, it is acknowledged that this does not affect all iPhone 6S users)
    • To make it work, try any of the following:
      • Toggling it on and off multiple times (may work)…
      • Changing the password and reverting it (usually works)…
      • Praying to Steve Job (may work)…
  • After the hotspot has no clients and it is stopped, the toggle still shows “On” (but is no longer running)… Go figure…

2016/10/01 Update: Thanks to my colleague, I have learnt the “secret of a thousand Steve Job curses” to make this work – ensure that, after toggling the hotspot “on” (and yes, if it is already on, you need to toggle it again; then, while still on the same screen, connect the first hotspot client. Subsequent clients may connect regardless if you remain at that screen or not. This seems to work every time. Apparently, Apple screwed the pooch on background services initiation for the hotspot service.

The Lent

OK, so, after this long rant on the stuff that does not work (or does not work every time), I do acknowledge the following that Android should copy/improve on:

• Battery life
  • Other than when running a hotspot, the iPhone 6S far outlasts my Mi 5 Pro by half a day to a full day under normal use
    • Disclaimer: compared near like-for-like; full day use of either one only, running similar background apps like Feedly, Pocket, Facebook, Whatsapp and email client with 9+ IMAP accounts; corporate email account only on iPhone 6S)

• Pop-Up Text Cursor/Selection Magnifier
  • Your finger is big. It will cover the cursor/text selection highlights on that tiny screen your finger is pressing on… Design something that works intelligently, dammit!

For all whom are reading this to figure out if you should/could jump from Android to iPhone, then, other than phone hardware differences (which cannot be covered in general), this piece should help you mentally prepare… Or to prepare you to go mental.